I am spending my child support on dildos
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
