The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
