I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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