Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
