He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
