Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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