Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
