Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
