he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You are the jesus of drinking
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize