Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
