If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
