So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
