he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
