I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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