It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bring me that man meat
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
