Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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