I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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