just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
