We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
