I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i think we sleep fucked last night...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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