she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
