At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
