I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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