i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
