I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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