I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
