you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
