I want to make a zoo with you.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
