We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
