I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
