Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
