its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
