Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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