remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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