im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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