Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize