mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
In America we eat man semen.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
