even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
