Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
