Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just tell him i said nine months
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
