My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
