How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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