can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
