where am i from again
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
