i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
