Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
