u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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