I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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