a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
