maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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