Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
