I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
