ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize