she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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