I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
