We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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