i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize