I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
