I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
they need to just BURY HIM!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
