The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
