I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
