So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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