32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
