So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
