Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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