She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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