wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
