What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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