shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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