meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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