This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I need a beard to bite.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
